Da, oamenii fac sex in timp ce poarta aeropoduri

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Acest articol a aparut initial pe VICE US.

AirPod-urile pot fi un dezastru de mediu, dar asta nu impiedica o multime de oameni excitati sa le alunece in urechi in timp ce fac sex.

Intr-un studiu realizat de TickPick, o piata de bilete online, unul din cinci proprietari AirPod sustine ca a facut sex in timp ce purta casti wireless. Da, un procent complet de 20% dintre proprietarii AirPod spun ca au tras un Leonardo DiCaprio si s-au aruncat in bucatile suculente ale partenerului lor sexual, in timp ce explodau orice, de la Dierks Bentley pana la Kottonmouth Kings, pe boxe Bluetooth minuscule, indestructibile, in-ear. (Sper sa nu fie si ei (se presupune!), Doar stau acolo si vor face, in timp ce isi fac partenerul sa faca toata munca, asa cum face modelul serial-dater (se presupune ca!).

Studiul a fost realizat pentru a explora modul in care muzica influenteaza preferintele si asteptarile in dormitor, baie KFC, festival Porta Potty sau oriunde acesta prefera sa se angajeze in relatii sexuale. Peste 1.000 de persoane au fost intervievate online, toate spunand ca sunt active sexual si, de asemenea, „le place sa asculte muzica”. Cei care nu erau activi sexual sau nu aveau o opinie despre muzica au fost respinsi. (Modul in care au verificat efectiv aceste informatii este necunoscut.)

Potrivit studiului, 57 la suta dintre persoanele active sexual sunt multumiti de viata lor sexuala, dar probabilitatea de a se bucura sexual variaza in functie de genul preferat de muzica. In partea de sus a acestei liste se afla fanii tarii, cu 66,3 la suta raportand satisfactia cu viata lor sexuala. Fanii albastrilor – care, de asemenea, se pare ca tind sa dureze mai mult in pat – erau chiar sub ei, la 64,3 la suta. Fanii heavy metal si pop s-au aflat in partea de jos a listei, cu 57,9 si 57,2 la suta raportand multumiri cu viata lor sexuala.

In legatura cu o postare

Sunt rezultate mai interesante. De exemplu, fanii hip-hop / rap-ului prefera sa-l faca in stil doggy (striga catre Snoop Dogg) si sunt mai putin susceptibili sa faca sex oral, asa ca, din pacate, DJ Khaled a refuzat sa manance sotia sa. Aproape unul din patru fani populari spun ca au plans in timpul sexului, iar 48,3 la suta sunt in BDSM, asa ca, practic, probabilitatea de a avea pe cineva suspin peste tine, in timp ce sunteti legat de noduri shibari este mai mare daca Fleet Foxes joaca . Fanii de metale grele le place sa intre sandman in pozitiile cowgirl si cowgirl invers, iar fanii reggae, folk si EDM sunt mai susceptibili sa fie top, in timp ce fanii country, showtune si pop au tendinta de a fi de jos. (Treizeci si doua la suta dintre fanii EDM examinati sunt, de asemenea, in anal si nu poti scrise Skrillex fara s, e si x.) Fanii tarii au mai putine sanse sa foloseasca contraceptive, dar aproape 47 la suta dintre ei sunt in joc. Da, si nu se poate stresa suficient, haw.

Back to AirPods. There are many pros and cons to having sex while wearing them. Pros: 1) Why not, could be cool? 2) Each person involved in the sex-making that is occurring can listen to whatever they want, like those silent discos where everyone dances in a warehouse while wearing headphones… only it’s just two of you, and you’re fucking. Cons: 1) You’ll kind of look like an asshole. 2) An AirPod will probably fall out at some point, so then you both have to stop mid-sex to fumble around and find it before it ends up in a butt (though, that could be a pro for some).

Based on this information, we’ve whipped up some erotic AirPod fiction. Imagine your partner giving you that look as the sex is about to start. You know the look—part smoldering stare, part breathy anticipation, part searching for where to start, as though they’re at a casino buffet, unsure whether to go with a salad or head straight for the roast beef. Roast beef, it is. Here we go! It’s time for sex! But they stop. “I’m going to slip into something more comfortable,” they whisper into your ear. Then they pop in some AirPods, and grab their iPhone. You lay there silently, waiting. Wow, this is taking a while.

Your fully naked body starts to get kind of cold. The horniness slowly begins to evaporate from your loins as you stare at their chin lit up by their iPhone screen. The green from their Spotify app illuminates a blackhead. They can’t decide what vibe they’re feeling. The new Tyler? Nah, not feeling that. Scroll, scroll, scroll. Maybe a sexy throwback. Ooh The Virgin Suicides soundtrack! Oh, but wait, that movie was sad. Scroll, scroll, scroll. Hold on, they found it. They put their phone back on their nightstand, which is actually a set of plastic storage drawers. It is time. Time for sex… to music. They rhythmically gyrate atop you, grooving to their incredible, specially curated song choice, which you cannot hear. They eventually realize that you’re not fully into it since all you can hear is people on the street fighting about the NBA Finals. In a gesture of sexual welcoming, they slip one AirPod in your ear, bringing you into the mood they have created, a world of sensual exploration. It’s Mazzy Star’s “Fade Into You,” and it is now even more ruined than it already was. And oop! The music stops, the phone is ringing, and yup, you’re doing it to the sound of a voicemail from their mom. Amazing sex-to-music night.

For some people, this is their reality. For others, it could be their reality. All it takes is one pair of $160 wireless earphones, a willing sexual partner and, if you’re a fan of folk music, some rope, a box of Kleenex and maybe a bit of anal. Perfect.

Follow Alex Zaragoza, a sex haver who likes music (unverified), on Twitter.

Da, oamenii fac sex in timp ce poarta aeropoduri

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