When Australian tech founder Isharna Walsh realised her relationship was in a sexual rut, she didn’t just shrug her shoulders and reach for the remote. Instead, she embarked on a five-year journey of sexual exploration that encompassed everything from books and workshops to a tantric course with a 50-year-old new-age guru.
“I was sitting with my partner in this woman’s apartment surrounded by candles and rose petals, and we were chanting into our chakras,” she says on the phone from California, where she now lives. “I really explored all of that, and it was great.”
Although Walsh’s relationship didn’t survive, her odyssey led to the creation of Coral, a new sexual wellness app that promises to help you achieve fulfilment and intimacy. Through written content, community forums and guided aural (and oral) exercises, the app claims to give everyone “the tools and language they need to create their best sex life”.
If your curiosity is piqued, you’re not alone.
Demand for apps and toys to improve our sex lives is booming, with the global sexual wellness category predicted to grow by an impressive 7 per cent a year, reaching $39billion by 2024. You can see it in the new variety of sex products online, at stylishly minimalist stores like maude in the US and joujou here. Where once you’d struggle to find a sex toy that wasn’t phallic and veined, there is now a huge range of discreet and sculptural products that wouldn’t look out of place on the most stylish bedside table.
Meanwhile, podcasts such as The Hotbed Collective and female audio erotica sites like Dipsea are designed to help women feel more comfortable about sex and what turns them on. But “sexual wellness” isn’t just about better orgasms, says Walsh (although it is about that, too): A fulfilling sex life, either solo or partnered, is as important to our wellbeing as good nutrition, exercise and sleep.
“When you look at how sexual satisfaction affects the quality of your life, the data is conclusive,” she says. “A healthy sexual relationship with yourself and others impacts not just your intimate relationships but how you feel about yourself, your body and the quality of your life.” Last month a widely reported study even claimed that women who had regular sex experienced later menopause.
It’s tempting to regard all this talk of sexual wellness as just another excuse to exploit our insecurities and sell us stuff, but there’s some evidence that our collective sex lives are in need of a boost. Millennials are, by some accounts, having less sex than previous generations.
“After two years, one in three relationships are non-sexual, which means having sex once a month or less,” adds Dr Britney Blair, a Stanford clinical psychologist and co-founder of Lover, a new sexual wellness app that launched this month. “There are many reasons for this – if you have, say, an infant and a toddler, I say it’s a matter of ‘doing no harm’ to your relationship and finding moments of intimacy whenever you can. But having some kind of erotic activity every 72 hours has been linked to a better quality of life.”
But while fulfilling sex might be good for us, it hasn’t traditionally been seen as an experience that women were entitled to ask for or expect. “I was raised in a culture that made sex very much about my partner’s experience,” says Walsh, who’s in her early 30s and grew up in Canberra.
“When I realised the sex in my relationship wasn’t great, I also realised how ill-equipped I was to navigate that. I didn’t know how to talk about it in a way that didn’t lead to defensiveness, and I didn’t know what was normal. I had no idea what I had the right to ask for, or what was a reasonable response from my partner.
“Claiming my own sexual pleasure for myself – pulling the guilt and shame away from it – and enjoying my sexuality as just one aspect of my human experience has been the biggest shift.”
“Historically, men were seen as the ones who pursued sex and had a higher sex drive,” says Dr Lauren Rosewarne, senior lecturer in the School of Social and Political Sciences at the University of Melbourne. “When women have owned their sexual appetites and desires, culturally they have been condemned and devalued.”
There’s no better way to feel ashamed and devalued than to visit an old-school sex shop, which was once the only place where women could buy products to help their sex lives. “That whole experience of shopping for those kinds of items is just awful,” says Kate Morris, CEO and founder of Adore Beauty. “It’s not luxe, it doesn’t feel safe, [there are] all these products that are degrading to women. We felt we needed to be part of making this a mainstream discussion, so people can get a bit more curious and a bit more comfortable.”
Cand mi-am dat seama ca sexul din relatia mea nu a fost grozav, mi-am dat seama si cat de slab echipat eram sa navighez in asta
Acum trei luni, Adore a lansat o sectiune de sex sub site-ul sau vertical „Adore You”. Sectiunea cuprinde jucarii sexuale (viu colorate, in majoritate sculpturale) si produse lube / intime (minimalist, elegant – genul de sticle care s-ar aseza fericit langa masina de curatat si scrub Aesop).
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„Eram nervosi de lansare – am crezut ca am putea fi acuzati ca am distrus tesutul moral al societatii – dar raspunsul a fost universal pozitiv”, spune Morris.
Atat de pozitiv, de fapt, incat Imparateasa, un stimulator clitoral in fucchia look-at-me, a fost cel mai bine vandut produs al Adore pe intregul site de frumusete saptamana trecuta.
O parte din succesul Empress (in afara de recenziile foarte entuziasti) se refera la o postare pe blog pe site-ul Adore despre cum functioneaza dispozitivul, spune Morris. „Abordarea noastra este sa fim foarte factivi in ceea ce priveste lucrurile. Spre deosebire de Goop, care numeste sectiunea sa de sex „Intre foile”, evitam eufemismul si explicam un pic despre modul in care functioneaza corpurile femeilor. Deci, articolul contine o diagrama a locului unde se afla clitorisul ”, adauga ea.
Empress a fost cel mai vandut produs al lui Adore saptamana trecuta
Morris atribuie o parte din noul interes pentru bunastarea si placerea sexuala unui fel de simt al imputernicirii post-MeToo, dar altii nu sunt atat de siguri.
„Cred ca exista o tendinta problematica de a atasa #MeToo la orice lucru vag cu femeile sau feminismul si asta slabeste punctul momentului”, spune Rosewarne. In mod similar, este respingatoare de bunastare – „un cuvant cheie folosit in mare parte pentru a obtine clicuri si a vinde lucruri”.
In special, multe dintre noile jucarii si aplicatii sexuale nu sunt ieftine. Cea mai vanduta imparateasa Adore revinde la 110 dolari, in timp ce Smile Makers „The Ballerina”, un „vibrator” vulva albastru regal, care seamana cu un mouse de computer high-end, costa un racaz de 300 de dolari.
Dar investitorii cred in mod clar pe piata bunastarii sexuale. Atat Coral, cat si Lover au strans un capital important de inceput: Walsh spune ca a acumulat investitii de 3 milioane de dolari pana in prezent, in timp ce Lover a lansat dupa o runda de 5 milioane de dolari SUA, cu investitori suplimentari, inclusiv Sean Rad, co-fondator al Tinder.
„Vrem sa facem pentru sanatatea sexuala ceea ce aplicatii precum Calm si Headspace au facut pentru sanatatea mintala”, spune Jas Bagnieswki, co-fondatorul lui Lover. „Abilitati utilizatorii, incepeti o noua conversatie si mutati subiectul in mainstream”.
In timp ce Walsh este de acord ca bunastarea poate fi uneori perceputa ca elitista, in special daca simtiti nevoia sa va pregatiti cu un echipament scump pentru a va alatura, ea sustine ca exista un interes imens intre femei in ceea ce priveste sexul.
„Cred ca exista o schimbare interesanta in acest moment in rolurile de gen si inca cred ca mai este mult de parcurs inainte de a putea pretinde ca egalitatea de gen s-a extins in dormitor”, spune ea.
Aproape jumatate dintre utilizatorii de femei Lover se afla intr-o relatie si 53% dintre femeile care s-au inscris pe site spun ca au probleme sa ajunga la orgasm.
„Sanatatea sexuala este o forma de ingrijire de sine”, spune Blair. „Este vorba despre prioritizarea placerii tale si de a vedea sexul – solo sau parteneriat – ca sa faci ceva pozitiv pentru tine. Si cu cat o prioritizezi, cu atat devine o parte a modului in care te misti prin viata. ”
