In aceasta perioada, in care femeile vor sa fie tratate in egala masura, tuturor li se spune „Lean In” si celebritatile se clasifica in cele din urma ca feministe, este dificil pentru unele femei sa recunoasca faptul ca, in spatele usilor inchise, chiar doresc sa fie dominat – sa-si traga parul, sa fie legat, sa fie umilit, sa primeasca durere.
In mod similar, este dificil pentru unii barbati sa recunoasca faptul ca ei doresc cu adevarat sa faca aceste lucruri femeilor. La urma urmei, toti trebuie sa fim feministi acum, asa ca ideea de a inflama o durere intentionata unei femei pare, bine, ridicola.
In acest tip de relatii sexuale sadomasochiste (S&M), barbatul primeste placere din cauza durerii si suferintei fizice sau psihice a femeii. Dar aceste roluri nu sunt limitate in ceea ce priveste sexul: barbatii, de asemenea, pot dori sa fie dominati, iar femeile pot dori sa domine. Ce da?
In lumea S&M, care face parte dintr-o sfera mai mare a jocului sexual numit BDSM [robie si disciplina (BD), dominanta si supunere (DS) si sadism si masochism (SM)], cuplurile apeleaza la focuri, isi stabilesc limitarile. si angajati-va in orice ii face sa se simta cei mai sexy, chiar daca este absurd de incorect din punct de vedere politic.
Indiferent de parerea dvs. despre „Fifty Shades” , seria – si in curand, filmul – a catapultat elementele BDSM in mainstream. A devenit mai putin ciudat sa vorbim despre cleme de sfarc, care, pentru feministe ca mine, care sustin alegerea in toate aspectele vietii, suna ca un progres.
Exista diferite grade de BDSM, care variaza pretutindeni, de la lumina la o tehnica numita tamakeri, un fetis porno japonez de a fi lovit in bile.
BDSM este un termen urias pentru o varietate de activitati sexuale, spune Debby Herbenick, educator de sanatate sexuala la Kinsey Institute, spune Huffington Post. Pentru unii, „kink”, cum este numit uneori, poate fi o simpla pene – pentru altii, poate fi o biciura. Nu are cum sa generalizezi.
Placerea derivata din BDSM consta in pierderea controlului care vine cu supunerea, precum si in graba puterii care vine cu dominatia. Cu BDSM, partenerii se pot transforma fiind puternici si neputinciosi in dormitor.
Cel mai important aspect al BDSM este expresia continua a „da”, Em si Lo, bloggeri de sex popular si coautori ai cartii 150 Shades of Play, spun Cosmopolitan.
Este absolut crucial ca fiecare pas intr-un mediu BDSM sa fie respectat cu un acord consensual pentru a continua. Sexul puternic al BDSM poate fi impozabil fizic si psihologic, de aceea este important ca cuplurile sa aiba un nivel ridicat de incredere si compasiune inainte de a se dedica.
Avand in vedere natura agresiva a BDSM, radacinile psihologice au fost asociate de mult timp cu tulburari mentale, probleme emotionale sau semne ale traumelor din viata timpurie; Cu toate acestea, a te bucura de elemente ale BDSM nu este un semn ca ceva nu este in regula cu tine, in ciuda a ceea ce mass-media doreste sa crezi.
Domnul Gray a fost criticat pentru portretizarea lui BDSM cu inima rece ca un simptom al unei boli, al unui fel de trecut profund si intunecat al unei mame neglijente „curva curva”. In piesa ei pentru The Guardian, psihoterapeutul Pamela Stephenson Connolly combate acest lucru cu urmatoarele:
S-a stabilit ferm – prin activitatea lui Peggy Kleinplatz, Charles Moser [autori ai Sadomasochismului: Puteri placute] si altii – ca BDSM, jucat intr-o maniera sigura si consensuala, nu este o dovada a bolilor mintale sau fizice, a raului esential sau emotional. daune cauzate de traume sau parentalitate abuziva si ca oamenii nu pot fi – si nu trebuie – tratati pentru a-l vindeca.
Cu putin peste un deceniu in urma, Connolly a efectuat un studiu psihologic extensiv asupra a 132 de participanti ai comunitatii BDSM – cea mai mare a timpului.
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Through dozens of face-to-face interviews and a range of psychological tests to determine if there were any justification for this community’s sexual preferences, Connolly found that the group was “generally not mentally unhealthy,” and, most notably, “instances of early abuse that had long been associated with the adult practice of BDSM were present in just a few.”
So, these common notions that BDSM-style sex is indicative of psychological anxiety, a past history of sexual abuse or compensation for emotional inadequacies are false. What, then, does it mean if you like hair pulling, smacking, bondage or, yes, even nipple clamps?
“BDSM is not a pathological symptom, but one of a wide range of normative human erotic interests,” asserts Connolly.
Nan Wise, sex therapist and neuroscientist who studies the brain during orgasm, agrees with this idea: “Nature loves diversity and society abhors it. There are many, many ways that people are wired for pleasure. We all have unique erotic fingerprints.”
Wise emphasizes that it’s “unpredicted stimuli” that fires up our dopamine receptors to give us sexual pleasure.
Exploring new sexual fantasies in the realm of BDSM, for example, allows couples to re-engage their reward centers that may have become too accustomed to doing too much of the same kind of sex. Simply put, BDSM spices things up.
There hasn’t been too much research on the personality types of those who enjoy elements of BDSM, but they actually seem, overall, to be mentally healthier than non-BDSM lovers.
A 2013 Dutch study found that BDSM lovers were more extraverted, more open to experience, more conscientious, less neurotic, less sensitive to rejection, more securely attached and higher in subjective well-being. This study could limited in the fact that it only studied a Dutch community, but it’s not too far-fetched to apply these ideas to other BDSM aficionados.
Another study found that couples who engaged in BDSM had increased levels of intimacy, and an Australian phone survey of 19,000 people found that these couples were also happier in their relationships.
Sexuality is extraordinarily variable, so much so that “variable” should probably be considered more of a norm than missionary.
And if there’s any good that came from “Fifty Shades” — that is, besides giving you and your fellow single girlfriends something to look forward to this Valentine’s Day — it’s that it’s opened up conversations about exploring all aspects of sexuality, even those that might seem unconventional.
