Heather Kaloupek

16 iul.2018 · 4 min citit

„O familie care se plimba printr-un camp auriu catre un hambar” de Priscilla Du Preez pe Unsplash

In practica mea de consiliere privata, am lucrat cu multe tipuri diferite de familii: familii adoptive, familii mixte, familii monoparentale, familii cu doua mame sau doi tati, familii cu parinti vitregi si familii de rase combinate. Am vazut bunicii indeplinind rolul parintilor. Am lucrat cu familii cu copii adoptati, cei cu copii cu nevoi speciale, familii nucleare si familii extinse.

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Indiferent de tipul de familie in care va aflati, exista anumite caracteristici care diferentiaza unele familii in ceea ce priveste fericirea generala, sanatatea si bunastarea.

De exemplu, familiile sanatoase …

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  1. Petreceti timp de calitate impreuna: Pare evident, dar in saptamana de lucru prea programata de astazi poate fi dificil de realizat. Timpul de calitate este timpul petrecut fizic, emotional si mental legat de familia ta. Familiile sanatoase intentioneaza sa acorde altor membri ai familiei atentia lor indiviza. Indiferent daca coaceti cookie-uri, jucati un joc, impartasiti o masa, participati la un eveniment sportiv sau purtati o conversatie semnificativa, familiile sanatoase se bucura una de cealalta companie.

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  2. Mentineti limitele adecvate: in cartea sa „Lumile intime: cum prospera familiile si de ce nu reusesc”, cercetatoarea, Margaret Scarf, descrie trei tipuri de granite care sunt esentiale pentru functionarea optima a familiei: granita sinelui, granita cuplului si hotarul familiei. Limita de auto se refera la capacitatea unui individ de a identifica ca fiind separate de alti membri ai familiei sale. Familiile sanatoase permit fiecarui individ sa aiba propria personalitate, interese, puncte forte si puncte slabe, precum si capacitatea de a vorbi pentru sine. Limita cupluluiintre parinti si copiii lor este prezenta si in familiile sanatoase.

    Aceasta inseamna ca exista o ierarhie in care parintii sunt responsabili pentru asigurarea sigurantei, structurii si satisfacerii nevoilor copiilor lor. In cele din urma, granita dintre o familie, lumea exterioara si intre generatii este permeabila. La fel ca membrana unei celule, familiile cu limite sanatoase le permit celor care cresc si intaresc familia sa se alature (adica un nou bebelus sau nora), dar pastreaza un sentiment de siguranta si securitate pentru membrii in general. In plus, granitele familiale sanatoase permit membrilor sa paraseasca familia pentru a-si desfasura viata adulta fara teama de vinovatie sau tradare. Pe scurt, granitele servesc ca reguli pentru locul in care oamenii apartin, ce trebuie sa faca si cu ce ocazie. Acestea ofera o anumita predictibilitate cu privire la modul in care se vor comporta oamenii dintr-o familie.

  3. Experimentati intimitatea emotionala: la fel ca timpul de calitate, o comunicare sanatoasa pare simpla si este importanta pentru o buna functionare a familiei. Membrii familiilor sanatoase comunica intr-o maniera calma, respectuoasa, in care pot impartasi in siguranta sentimente, experiente si idei diferite, fara teama de respingere sau respingere.
  4. Impartasiti un angajament fata de familie: ati auzit fraza „Suma este mai mare decat partile sale?” In familiile sanatoase, indivizii realizeaza ca sanatatea familiei in ansamblu depinde de sanatatea fiecarui membru al familiei. Membrii acestor familii isi indeplinesc promisiunile, se apara reciproc si isi onoreaza rolul celuilalt in familie. Familiile sanatoase sunt angajate in succesul fiecarui membru unic al familiei, deoarece este esential pentru bunastarea intregului sistem familial.
  5. Express Affirmation, Encouragement & Affection: Healthy families readily express gratitude for one another and share words of encouragement during difficult times. Family members honor one another’s unique gifts, talents, and abilities with their words and actions. They serve as cheerleaders instead of competing with one another for the spotlight. These families readily show physical affection caring for one another during illness, sharing hugs or handshakes, and expressing their genuine love for each person.
  6. Have a Shared Spirituality: For Christians, this means praying, worshipping, reading scripture, serving others, and pursuing a relationship with Jesus Christ as a family. For non-Christians, having a shared spirituality can include spending time in nature, practicing yoga or meditation, discussing philosophy, and the meaning of life…together. This shared spiritual connection is essential and serves as a moral compass, connecting family members to something greater than the self and to one another.
  7. Freedom to Fail & Receive Forgiveness: Members are free to make mistakes and try new things without disrupting the family unit. Whether trying out for a new middle school sport, wrecking the family van, or taking a job in a new town there is a sense that no one’s mistake is too big for the family to endure. In order for this freedom to exist, family members extend grace for one another’s mistakes, offering forgiveness in moments of brokenness and repentance.
  8. Traditions, Rituals, and Shared Stories: Healthy families have traditions around holidays, birthdays, and milestones as well as shared stories of resilience. Whether saying a blessing over new babies born into the family, initiating young men into manhood, or singing the same songs at weddings — these traditions anchor the family to one another, strengthen the family bond, and provide each member with a purpose in the family.
  9. Manage Crisis & Conflict in a Timely Manner: Healthy families see conflict and disagreement as inevitable parts of living and thriving together. These families deal with crises in calm, respectful ways allowing space for each person to both talk and listen. When disagreements arise, they are called out and handled within a timely matter rather than allowing tension to arise, anger to fester, or sweeping issues under the proverbial rug.
  10. Share a Sense of Humor: Healthy families laugh together. They take delight in one another and do not take things too seriously. It is a shared sense of humor, joy, and lightness that helps families bounce back from difficult times.

No matter what your family is like, I hope you are able to spend quality time with those you love this week. Take time to start a tradition, tell an old story, extend a hug, pray together, offer forgiveness, or share a laugh — I can guarantee it will bring health to your family.

Originally published at witwisdomwellness.kaloupekcounseling.com.

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