Cat de des ar trebui sa faca sex un cuplu fericit?

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Aparent altul decat vecinul de langa toata lumea, americanii fac mai putine relatii sexuale decat generatiile anterioare. Vina peisajul politic, accesul contra controlului nasterii, pornografia gratuita nelimitata pe internet sau economia gigantului pentru declinul libidoului milenar – cine poate spune cu siguranta? Oricare ar fi motivul, americanii se dezumfla mai putin. Fiind unul dintre cei cinci oameni cei mai infioratori ai tuturor timpurilor, acest lucru mi s-a parut initial, dar, dupa cum se pare, s-ar putea sa nu fie o afacere atat de mare.

Pentru a fi sigur, faptul de a nu face sex sau de a experimenta un declin accentuat ar putea fi un semn al unei relatii nefericite. Verificati grozavul neimigrat care este r / camera morta daca aveti nevoie de dovezi suplimentare. Dar, potrivit unor stiinte recente, prietenul tau care se lauda sa primeasca un baiat in fiecare dimineata, probabil, nu este mai fericit decat tine.

Much like washing your hair, you don’t need to have sex as often as you think—at least according to a 2015 study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science, which suggests any amount over once a week is simply overkill, especially if you’re not feeling it. That may seem obvious, but there’s a persistent belief out there that quantity of sex correlates precisely with the happiness of a couple, with no upper limit. Most long-term partners are doing it about once a week anyway; the average married couple has sex 51 times a year. And not only are married couples generally still out-sexing singles, but it turns out that not-strictly-sexual acts of affection, like hand holding or kissing, were actually better predictors of being “intensely” in love with your long-term partner than sexual frequency.

Recent, unul dintre prietenii mei a fost socat – ingrozit – cand am marturisit ca iubitul meu si cu mine nu am mai facut sex in cateva saptamani. El si cu mine ne descurcam grozav, dar am avut de-a face cu probleme minore de sanatate (care tind sa omoare starea de spirit) si amandoi eram ocupati si pur si simplu nu s-a intamplat. Intre timp, ea si iubitul ei de patru ani! ani! faceau sex in fiecare zi. Nemaiauzit! Voi recunoaste ca m-am simtit gelos si nu putin competitiv. Adica, in teorie, cu siguranta sunt joc pentru a face sex in fiecare zi; Ma gandesc la acele fotografii cu Jake Gyllenhaal care asculta cel putin Rihannaasta de multe ori se innebuneste si deranjeaza, asa ca de ce nu faceam sex la fel de des ca ea? Cand am vorbit cu prietena mea (cititi: am interogat-o) mai departe m-am trezit mult mai putin invidios. Se dovedeste ca de multe ori se plictiseste la jumatate de sex, ceea ce este si mai inimaginabil pentru mine decat ca are suficient timp si energie pentru a face sex in fiecare zi. In cele din urma, s-au despartit la cateva saptamani dupa ce am vorbit, ceea ce este, probabil, incert.

Eu insumi am facut un sondaj foarte nestiintific la aproximativ patruzeci de persoane pe Twitter (cu privire la orice statut de gen si relatie), intreband despre frecventa pe care o fac sex, daca asta s-a schimbat in timp si daca sunt fericiti. Aproape toate raspunsurile s-au incadrat in trei categorii. In primul rand, persoanele singure, sau cei care nu au avut un partener primar, au raportat ca au facut sex in fiecare luna sau la fiecare cateva luni si, in mare parte, si-au dorit sa aiba mai mult sau sa aiba un partener monogam. (O femeie cu mai multi parteneri a spus ca face sex de aproximativ 4 ori pe saptamana, un adevarat stapan al managementului sexy al timpului.) Urmatorul grup erau persoane in relatii monogame care faceau sex de 3-6 ori pe saptamana. Cei mai multi dintre ei au fost in relatii mai noi, mai tinere (ganditi-va la cinci luni si oameni care au implinit cei douazeci de ani). Toti s-au simtit multumiti de cantitatea de sex pe care o faceau,

The last, and by far the largest group, were people in long term relationships with a primary partner who had sex weekly or once every other week. For the most part, they described themselves as satisfied, however, many mentioned feeling like they should be having more sex, but that life got in the way. (Surprisingly, one of the most common things that people mentioned was health problems impeding sex.) The idea that they weren’t having “enough” sex seemed to stem from the idea that they used to be having more. Without exception, they all mentioned when they first got together, they were banging a lot more often.

In general, people aren’t great at sustaining a high volume of sex after the honeymoon phase wears off. The limerence period, coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov, represents the first 18 to 24 months of a relationship where you love (or overlook) everything your partner does, including never closing kitchen cabinets and talking over The Bachelorette, because your brain is hopped up on loving them. After that time, your brain chemistry changes, the excitement wears off, and you guys settle into more stable patterns—less frequent sex included.

We have a nearly pathological belief as a society that there’s a certain amount of sex that we should be having, and very few examples of happy couples who just don’t feel like 48 minutes of foreplay on a Tuesday night, but who still love each other. Men, especially, are expected to exist in a permanent state of horniness, and additionally that the frequency with which they get laid somehow directly correlates to their masculinity.

For women, there’s a not-unrelated pressure to “satisfy” their partner sexually, lest they go looking elsewhere, almost as if it’s part of a job description, akin to being proficient in Microsoft Excel. We’re all chasing some fictionalized sex quota—one that none of us are meeting, but that we’re sure other people are.

But again, couples don’t seem to mind the dip much as long as they’re actually still having sex. So get busy as often as comes naturally to you and your partner, and don’t worry about the imaginary magic number you feel like you should be hitting every week. Overdoing it (pun most certainly intended) just leads to boring, perfunctory hump-seshes rather than steamy hot I-need-you sex. Having a ton of sex won’t create a good relationship, or improve a struggling one, but rather that healthy relationships tend to organically involve more sex.

So chill out, open a bottle of wine and fall asleep on the couch to that new documentary about the Panama Papers; you two have had enough sex this week.

Cat de des ar trebui sa faca sex un cuplu fericit?

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