3 motive pentru a comunica in mod deschis cu copiii tai despre sex

V-ati temut „Discutia” cu copiii dvs.? Il stii pe cel despre care vorbesc. Este vorba despre „pasarile si albinele” care de fapt nu are nicio legatura cu pasarile sau albinele. Sa-l numim ce este. Vorbim despre sex.

Este subiectul care face ca fiecare parinte sa transpire si fiecare copil sa se tarasca, dar cred ca exista o modalitate diferita de a face fata. Nu numai ca sexul este unul dintre cele mai sacre si importante subiecte pe care trebuie sa le invatam copiilor nostri, dar conversatiile care il inconjoara pot fi, de asemenea, una dintre cele mai puternice si neasteptate modalitati de a-ti construi cu adevarat increderea si conexiunea cu copiii tai.

Cand o facem corect, „The Talk” (sau mai bine zis, „The Many Talks”) despre sex poate favoriza o legatura unica de incredere, respect reciproc si conexiune intre parinte si copil.

Am patru fii care variaza de la varsta prescolara pana la liceu, asa ca au fost deja multe discutii pe parcurs. Au tendinta sa apara in momente neasteptate. Recent, in timpul baii, fiul meu in varsta de sapte ani a spus inocent: „ Tata, astazi pe locul de joaca, unul dintre copii vorbea despre SEX”.

Primul meu gand a fost: „ Nu sunt pregatit pentru asta! E SAPTE. Aveam de gand sa incep discutia de sex cand avea la jumatatea treizeci de ani. ”

Nu stiam daca stia ca este un cuvant adevarat numit „sex” sau daca il stia doar prin cele trei scrisori infame (cum ar fi CIA sau FBI). Am zambit si am intrebat calm: „SEX, nu? Ce crezi ca asta inseamna?

S-a gandit o clipa si a spus: „ Prietenul meu a spus ca inseamna ca doua persoane sunt iubite si prietene.”

In doar un minut, va voi spune ce i-am spus tanarului meu de sapte ani despre SEX, dar mai intai, as dori sa abordez cateva puncte importante despre cum sa incepeti sa comunic cu copiii dvs. despre aceste probleme importante. In nicio ordine anume, iata cateva lucruri de care trebuie sa tineti cont atunci cand le comunicati copiilor dvs. despre sex:

1. Ei aud despre asta mult mai devreme decat ai crede

Internetul a deschis o noua lume pentru aceasta generatie de copii si, in consecinta, ei aud despre sex mai tanar decat orice generatie anterioara. Conform mai multor surse, varsta medie a primei expuneri la pornografie este acum in jur de zece ani.

Asta inseamna ca tipicul de zece ani a vazut porno explicit inainte sa fi avut vreodata o discutie despre sex cu parintii.

Fiul nostru cel mai vechi a venit acasa din prima sa zi de clasa a VIII-a, spunand ca copiii din autobuz se sextora intre ei si impartaseau imagini cu organele genitale chiar in plimbarea cu autobuzul. Sunt recunoscator ca am cultivat genul de relatii cu el, unde a fost confortabil sa ne vorbeasca despre expunerea sexuala nedorita din viata reala.

We need to be a safe place for our kids to be able to talk and process their feelings and questions related to sex.

2. Our Kids Are Getting Mixed Messages

It should come as no surprise that the mix of messages about sex on the school playgrounds, the internet, Netflix and other easily-accessible sources is going to leave kids confused (like our son felt on that terrible bus ride on the first day of 8th grade).

 This means we as parents need to be starting these age-appropriate conversations early and keep the dialogue going consistently through every season of their development.

We need to develop the trust with them from an early age that makes us (the parents) the safest place on earth for them to talk about sex (and everything else for that matter).

3. They Want to Be Able to Talk about Anything with You… But They’re Afraid You’re Going to Freak Out

Don’t freak out. Don’t’ hide from touchy subjects. You don’t need to have the “perfect” thing to say. Kids aren’t looking for perfectly scripted answers; they’re looking for your availability and authenticity.

The more honest you are with them, the more honest they will be with you.

When you get started, remember that the strategy isn’t about having “The Talk” but, rather, “talks.” When my dad had “The Talk” with me, it lasted around 30 seconds and he summed it up with the wise maxim, “Just keep your weanie in your pants.” Not bad advice, but our kids today need a lot more information than that.

As your kids mature, be willing to initiate open, honest, age-appropriate conversations. To help guide you through the specifics of these conversations, I’ve created a short video course with age-specific tools which you can find on the website for my new book, Raising Boys Who Respect Girls.

So, back to my seven-year-old son’s question about S-E-X, here’s what I said…

“Buddy, I’m so glad you feel comfortable talking to me about this. I always want you to be able to talk with me about anything. You’re going to be hearing a lot about sex from your friends and maybe on TV, and most of what you’ll hear won’t be true.

As you get older, I will explain more about this, but for right now, the main things you need to know are that sex is a beautiful gift God made for a Mommy and a Daddy who are married and it’s part of His perfect plan for making babies.

It’s beautiful, but it’s also private, so just like you don’t talk about your private parts or other people’s private parts on the playground, you shouldn’t be talking about sex either.

If you ever have any questions about sex, or about anything, else, I want you to always feel comfortable asking me, okay? Ask me anything, anytime. We’ll talk a lot more about this as you get older. I love you, buddy.”

That was just one simple talk, but it was building trust and connection with him that will hopefully create a lifetime of talks even as the questions grow more complex and life gets more complicated. Teaching our kids about sex might sound scary, but it really doesn’t have to be. When done right, it can be a subject where you and your kids can develop new bonds of trust and mutual understanding.

Dave Willis is a husband and a father of four sons ranging in age from preschool to high school. He’s also a prolific writer, speaker and podcaster whose popular relationship blogs have reached more than one hundred million readers worldwide. This article is a modified excerpt from his new book, Raising Boys Who Respect Girls.

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