Era vara anului 2010 si faceam o petrecere de burlat. Am fost logodit de un an si au trecut patru saptamani de la nunta mea. L-am cunoscut pe Chris la facultate; el a fost primul meu iubit. Ne-am angajat imediat dupa absolvire. Stateam la casa unui prieten care locuia in Virginia Beach. Noaptea, prietenii mei au primit o limuzina cum mi-am dorit dintotdeauna si am mers la dans. Pana la 1 sau 1:30 am, am fost cam peste ea si am vrut sa ma racoresc langa piscina. Asa ca ne-am intors acasa, am alergat la etaj sa-mi pun costumul si am stat la marginea bazinului. A fost dragut, asa ca am ezitat, iar prietenul meu a venit jucaus in spatele meu si m-a impins in piscina. Am plecat in fata. Multumesc Domnului ca mi-am protejat capul cu mainile, dar am intrat in unghi prost si mi-am rupt gatul.
Am stiut imediat ca este grav, chiar si cand eram pe partea cu piscina cu paramedicii. Oamenii spun ca a fost soc, dar stiam cat de rau era. Chris era in camping cu tatal sau la trei ore si jumatate distanta, asa ca atunci cand s-a intamplat accidentul nu am putut intra in contact cu el la inceput; nu stia pana dimineata. Nu-mi imaginez ca primesc acel telefon. Era speriat si trist de cele intamplate, mai ales. Am fost in UCI 10 zile si apoi am mers la reabilitare aproximativ 2 ½ luni. Sunt un quadriplegic C-6.
Chris a fost alaturi de mine tot timpul, indiferent de situatie. Nici macar nu era o intrebare. Oamenii sunt ca: “Este uimitor ca a ramas cu tine!” Este ca si cum oamenii cred ca cineva cu dizabilitati nu este la fel de meritat ca si cineva care este capabil. Ca si cum mi-ar face o favoare. Acest lucru este atat de trist pentru ei, pentru ca se arata ca ei habar nu sunt care este iubirea adevarata.
Inainte de accident, eram foarte sexuale ca un cuplu. Facem clic pe sex foarte bine. Am facut sex mai mult decat cuplul mediu. El a fost de fapt primul meu; Mi-am pierdut virginitatea fata de el la facultate. Ne-am conectat atat de perfect – sexul a fost ceva care ne-a adus mereu mai aproape, si era infricosator sa ne gandim cum ar fi viata noastra sexuala [dupa accident]. Medicii nu vorbesc cu adevarat despre chestiile astea – nu stii pana nu ajungi la reabilitare. Si chiar si acolo, ei nu spun nimic decat daca intrebi, ceea ce am facut eu. In opinia mea, sa inveti cum sa faci sex din nou, este vital pentru procesul de reabilitare. Am avut o asistenta foarte grozava, deschisa, care a lucrat la spitalul la care ma aflam si niciunul dintre noi nu a avut probleme in a vorbi despre sex. A existat, de asemenea, un cadru feminin care lucra acolo, care avea 40 de ani si care a fost ranit in 20 de ani,
[Chris si cu mine] am facut sex pentru prima data dupa accident cand au trecut doua luni si a fost cam ca si cum mi-as pierde din nou virginitatea. Am vorbit despre asta, stiam ca vom fi in continuare intimi si stiam ca nu voi putea sa ma targuiesc pe pat si sa ma urc deasupra lui – ci din sexul pe care l-am cautat de cand vorbeam deschis oameni [la reabilitare], puteam face o multime de pozitii. De fapt, am facut sex pentru prima data in reabilitare, pentru ca au o camera speciala, precum un apartament, in care oamenii intra singuri si este ca si cum ar fi din nou acasa. Asistentele vin doar atunci cand le ceri ajutor pentru ceva, pentru ca este greu sa treci din nou de la patul de spital la viata normala. Asa ca am avut un apartament pentru noapte si am decis sa incercam sa facem sex.
A fost altfel decat a fost, in primul rand, pentru ca nu ma simt exact sexy. Inainte sa ma ranesc, eram instructor de aerobic si m-am simtit cat se poate de bine. Eram o fata. Am vrut sa par sexy. Acum nici nu puteam sa-mi barbieresc picioarele de unul singur, eram palida si aveam gatul la mijlocul verii. Asa ca a fost greu sa fiti in acest moment, dar, in acelasi timp, a fost o revelatie! A fost minunat. Am fost de genul: „O sa ma duc acasa si sa am grija de mine asa cum obisnuisem si nu voi avea intotdeauna aceasta bretela la gat”.
I’m still trying to figure out the deal with orgasms. Basically, it’s hard to explain this, but some people have complete feeling down there when they have sex. I’m not one of them. I don’t feel below my chest, but when I’m having sex I can tell when he’s inside me — because my blood pressure raises a little bit, and your body changes in a lot of little ways. The vagus nerve is responsible for the pleasure signals from sex and it totally bypasses your spinal cord and goes straight to your brain. So that’s why I’m kind of able to tell when I’m having sex and still feel aroused. You get endorphins, you feel the same signals in your brain pleasure-wise, I get the messages. And most girls like to be kissed on their neck, but now it’s an ultra sensitive spot for me. It’s very intense.
Now: Do I hardcore climax? I haven’t gotten there yet. But I get to a very intense state of pleasure. And sometimes, other quads figure out how to get that, after years and years. But one positive difference, I would say, is that before the accident, it was always about having the orgasm. My mind really did kind of get set on getting there, and sometimes, looking back, I wasn’t always in the moment. And now I am. At this point, it’s about feeling all those pleasure zones as they happen, and not just waiting for the big climax.
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Obviously, I want people to understand the truth. I’m not gonna say it’s so much better — I miss orgasms. It’s natural to want to have an orgasm. I’m never going to lie about it. But as far as positions go, it’s much easier to do missionary obviously with my legs — you’d hold them back, but what I do is kind of wrap my arms around my legs to make it easier. I can do it from the side, like being embraced, or on my stomach.
One reason I’m very upfront and overshare about this is because it’s such a misconception that people in wheelchairs can’t have sex or be sexy — and they’re just lying there, so how can that be sexy? But there’s a lot I can still do in the bedroom, and I still think our sex life is better than the average married couple’s.
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